Both Sides Now- Joni Mitchell

i'm really affected by today's news.
another earthquake dropped by. it wagged its tail beneath south asia and has taken 18000 lives as playmates. its head peeked out somewhere near kashmir (that is, between pakistan and india), and its fart vibrations were felt all the way in new delhi. magnitude of 7.6, toppled buildings, injured 45000, including the 30 poor soldiers made to guard the disputed kashmir border. the death toll, casualty numbers are still growing.

is it too late to say that i'm starting to care more about what's going on around me? after all, a life centred around yourself has only so much meaning.

to me, if you're happy, i'm happy.

so who's the 'you' in your life? mine comes in all forms: my family, my friends, my classmates. at least, recently that has been the case.
i used to be one of those 'i don't give a fcuk what people say about me' or 'this is my life so piss off' kind of person. then i realise that, yes i DO care what people say, and that my life is NOT solely my own. never is, and never will be. do you know how much one decision you make can affect other people? it's just like choosing not to brush your teeth in the morning. to you its your bloody business, but let's say you decide not to brush your teeth and simply go to work and talk to your colleagues as per usual. your stinking mouth then causes a chain reaction of disgust, from the ones who spoke to you down to the cleaning lady who overhears someone talking about your lack of hygiene, and this simply was the cherry on top of a very nice day for her, having already spent a whole morning cleaning up the sanitary disposals.

all because you decided not to brush your teeth.

okay, i hope you get the picture. it's just that i have taken too long to realise the gravity of everything that happens in life. i'm a bit slow, you see. i make a mistake and i take about 2 or 3 years to learn a lesson from it. i was always so full of myself, thinking that i've 'seen it all' somehow, which is complete rubbish. what's the pride in having gone through so much shit in your life? it just means that you've got more reasons to be pessimistic. then you'll come to a point where you're just waiting for the best things you possess to screw themselves up into useless, crumpled pieces of nothingness because you claim that you can't do nuts about it.

there are about a billion mysteries to life, i suppose. you can look at it from every angle, but you'll just end up taking a chance all the same, at every single turn.

i'm combusting with thoughts.

Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air
and feather canyons everywhere, I've looked at clouds that way.
But now they only block the sun, they rain and they snow on everyone.
So many things I would have done but clouds got in my way.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
from up and down, and still somehow
it's cloud illusions I recall.
I really don't know clouds at all.

Moons and Junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way that you feel
as every fairy tale comes real; I've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show. And you leave 'em laughing when you go
and if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now,
from give and take, and still somehow
it's love's illusions that I recall.
I really don't know love at all.

Tears and fears and feeling proud, to say "I love you" right out loud,
dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way.
Oh but now old friends are acting strange, and they shake their heads, and they tell me that
I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now,
from win and lose, and still somehow
it's life's illusions I recall.
I really don't know life at all.

I blogged @ 11:23 PM